So, I'm gonna do something a little different here than I've done before. This is a review for a single episode of TV. Specifically, I'm doing the episode "Something New" which is this years season finale of How I Met Your Mother. Ordinarily I discuss a movie or an entire series, but I have my reasons for doing this one so bear with me. I'll also be partially discussing this season as a whole, but mostly the focus shouldn't stray too far away...or maybe it will. I'm not a very good writer. (Blow me) I'm warning you now, this review will be full of spoilers so if you haven't seen this episode, I wouldn't read any further...I mean why would you? Maybe you're that guy that wants to ruin things for other people. I don't know. Well, I'm not typically that guy so, there ya go. Consider yourself warned.
This episode was originally supposed to be the series finale. However I guess half way through this season, a couple of the actors renewed their contracts, so now we have to drag this shit out over one more season. Now don't get me wrong. I love this show. It's easily my favorite sit-com, and for good reason. It's well cast, well written, entertaining, and for the most part really consistent. But they've been at this for 8 seasons now and everybody just wants to find out who the mother is so we can move on with our lives for fuck's sake! Even a lot of this entire season felt like they were just wasting time, so I'm really worried that this next season is going to blow...but I'm getting ahead of myself here.
It's now been established that Ted meets the titular mother at Barney and Robin's wedding, or rather, at a train station afterwards. This entire season has been building up to that moment. Hell, Barney and Robin's wedding is to take place on May 25th of 2013...Everything was set for that to be the season finale...cause it's May and shit right now! Buuuut no. They have pretty much left this story as close to a cliffhanger that a sit-com can really even have, and it's frustrating. This entire episode was a big cock tease with a bunch of set ups with no pay off. Now this would be absolutely fine if next week we get the season finale...but dammit, this was the season finale! So basically they are going to take what could have been accomplished in one more episode next week, and instead, stretch it out over an entire season. What is this next season even gonna be?! I guarantee you that the season 9 premiere will be what the season 8 finale should have been...he meets the mother. But what are they gonna do with the rest of the year? Is he gonna be trying to get her to fall in love with him? Is it going to be an echo of season 1, but instead of trying to bang Robin, it's this new girl? It's a good thought I suppose, but it is not the show I signed up for, neither is it even in keeping with the title of the show! Okay, I'm gonna take a breath here real quick. This shit's affecting my blood pressure...Anyway, on to what the episode actually was instead of what it wasn't, or should have been, or whatever.
So, this episode was set up to be the second part of last week's episode, except it wasn't. As I mentioned earlier, this episode is called "Something New." Last week's was called "Something Old." Get it? 'Cause wedding stuff? This is also a nod to the season 2 finale two-parter which was "Something Borrowed" and "Something Blue." Those episodes were about Lily and Marshall's wedding...makes sense. But these episodes weren't really about a wedding. Should have been...wasn't. (sigh) In the previous episode Robin goes digging in Central Park for a locket she buried there when she was a teenager; a locket that she had always planned to have as her "something old" at her wedding...even though Robin has said time and time again in earlier seasons that she never really planned on getting married. Nice backtracking guys! So, after digging all day, she finally finds the box. Meanwhile, Ted has shown up cause Ted always shows up to help Robin with ...whatever, cause that's kind of his thing. They open the box and it's empty. Robin starts talking about how the universe is telling her not to get married. She's having second thoughts, and it starts raining, and she and Ted hold hands. Essentially they are bringing up that there is still feelings between these two that have not been fully been dealt with. They've done this too many times now and it's becoming irritating, but that's where that episode ends. The finale then opens up with Barney and Robin together and everything is fine. I guess that freakout of her's was only there to make us feel bad for Ted, cause we then learn that Ted is moving to Chicago because he still loves Robin and he doesn't think he can handle living around her anymore cause she'll be married to Barney. Ted reveals this plan to Lily after telling her all about what happened in Central Park. This is when Lily sheds some light on the whole locket thing. Apparently right around season 4, just before Ted was gonna marry Stella (I seriously hope you guys have watched the whole series cause I don't feel like explaining myself), Robin gets drunk, cries, talks about how Ted should be marrying her instead of Stella (facepalm) and goes out in Central Park and digs up the locket. Lily puts it in a pencil box and it gets left at the apartment. Sooo, it turns out that the locket has been in Ted's possession the entire time. (fanfare) It sounds like they are setting up for another huge Ted and Robin gesture/relationship trope, even though we all know by now that's impossible...we've known since the first episode. So what are you doing!? (UGH!!) But then Ted says he's going to give it to her as a wedding present...ok? But even Lily is like, "be careful Ted (you fucking idiot!)" ...that last part was subtextual.
Meanwhile, Marshall has forgotten to tell his mother that he's moving to Italy for a year, so he has to go to Minnesota. It was more filler kind of crap that didn't have much to do with the important Ted stuff of the episode. He just kept getting tricked by his brother and making excuses for his crazy mom over the phone with Lily. Something that did bother me though was that they kept switching back and forth between saying they were moving to Rome, and moving to Italy. Now I know Rome is in Italy so technically both are true. (yeah ya ass!) It's just they way they did it. For instance, Lily let's it slip to Marshall's mom that they are moving the "Italy." Marshall then gets on the phone and his mom is immediately like, "You're moving to Rome?!?!"...and then they keep saying Rome for a while, and then they switch back. It's like during a redraft of the script they changed a few lines, but forgot to change the rest. I dunno, it just really stood out to me. Also, Marshall gets a phone call saying that there is an opening for him to be a judge in New York, so now he's gotta make a choice between his career and Lily's...more shit that doesn't get resolved til, you guessed it, next season. (foghorn)
Anyway the rest of the episode is peppered with Barney and Robin at a restaurant messing with another douchey couple and basically just being perfect for each other and stuff...so again, what was with all that, "I'm not sure if Barney is ready for this!" shit from the last episode? Meh!
Finally at the very end of the episode we see the "girl with the yellow umbrella" which we all know to be who Ted ends up with. Like always, we see her boots and the umbrella and stuff, but then something different happens. The camera pans up and we actually see her face. The mother has been cast, and we got to see her! Yaaaay!... It's still bullshit that should have been resolved next week and not next season. I say again...cock tease. If you cut out all the peripheral crap that this season has been full of, and just focused on the main story, then we could have had this stuff wrapped up. Oh well, I've come this far I guess. I'm not gonna bail on the show now that we're so close...
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