Monday Review: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

This is where I usually put a star rating...Don't worry about it.

This is where I usually put what IMDb had to say, but apparently not even they had anything to say so there was just a paragraph from TLC that I don't feel the need to put here.

So...yeah, this is happening.

I know I'm a little late to the party here, but I just want to take a few moments to give you my thoughts on the travesty that is Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  So, the other day, I'm sitting with my mother and she's got either HGTV or something on, and I didn't want to watch anymore Love It or List It (which in my opinion should be called "Dwell In It or Sellin' It?!" It has a nice ring to it...what was I talking about?  Oh fuck, Honey Boo Boo)  I'm scrolling through the channel guide and I guess we pass TLC and Honey Boo Boo is on...and I of course keep scrolling, cause why would I want to subject myself to that.  But my mom is like, "HA! Honey Boo Boo is on, have you ever seen any of that?"  and I'm like, "No, why would I want to subject myself to that?"  Anyway, she insisted that every person should take a look at that show at least once, if for no other purpose than it's a cautionary tale about why no one should ever go to Georgia.  So I cave and turn it on.  After 30 seconds I want to wash my eyes out with bleach...

...and after about the 3rd hour straight of watching the show, I still didn't know why everyone likes the show, but then why the hell have I been watching the show for 3 hours?! (I am not kidding in the least, I literally sat there and watched like 6 episodes of Honey Boo Boo.  FML)  If I had to compare the show to something, I guess it's like looking at crime scene photos from a brutal homicide or something.  I mean, everyone's all messed up, and you really shouldn't be looking at it, but at the same time you're just morbidly curious.  You just stare and try and make sense of the horror, and you can't seem to look away (or stop masturbating...I'm kidding)...

...

So, to sum up, I want to compare this crap to one other thing: Crystal Meth.  Now another show I've made that comparison about is the incredible Breaking Bad.  But where Breaking Bad would be like Blue Sky 99.1% purity methamphetamine, Honey Boo Boo would be somewhere around like 63% biker crank.  Both of these substances would be considered highly addictive, but clearly there is a difference in quality, and one of them is probably a lot worse for you in the grand scheme.  So there ya go...

Let us never speak of this again.