Pacific Rim Review Podcast

Giant robots punching giant monsters? If it had some boobs, 12 year old me would have given it 5 stars. But 28 year old me needs more. More boobs? Maybe. This movie surprises us. Come listen as we break down the good, the bad, and the Del Toro.

Episode 25 - Pacific Rim

Why A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) Was Such a Piece of Shit

I once again had no idea that it was my turn to review anything today (I blame Dan. He gets to just skip reviewing things whenever he wants. Jerk ass.) Considering I have nothing new to really recommend to you guys and gals, I figured I'd just rip on a movie that I absolutely hate. Recently I expressed my love for the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, so why not explain why I hate this utter piece of shit? With that being said, here goes nothing.

When I first heard they were remaking this movie, I wasn't surprised at all. I was obviously really pissed off, but seeing as ever other mediocre to great horror movie had already been remade, why wouldn't Hollywood decide to ruin one of the best Horror movies of all time?! What a shock, it was produced by Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes! Not shocking considering most of the movies they've done are shitty remakes of perfectly acceptable Horror films. They've all been poorly received, but they make a shit load of money, so they keep making these pieces of shit. As I was saying, I was in no way surprised that they decided to remake this film, I was just extremely disappointed that it was actually going to happen.

So when I finally saw this movie, I was not at all shocked at how much I disliked it. First of all, let's just talk about the big, fat, smelly, pink Elephant in the room. Robert Englund didn't return to the role of Freddy Krueger. That being said, when it was first announced that Jackie Earle Haley was going to take over the role, I was kind of excited to see what he'd end up doing with the role. Sadly, he failed miserably. I can't blame it all on him...he didn't decide how Freddy was going to look. (He looked like a sad little puppy dog. I felt bad for him, not scared at all by how he looked. Not really what you should be going for in a Horror film.) But that fucking voice was so God damn awful. He just did his Rorschach voice from The Watchmen, and they just did some fancy Hollywood work on it to make it sound that much worse. So yeah, that's not much of a start for this turd of a movie.

Let's talk about some other things that really sucked about this movie. First of all, the CGI. Obviously there was plenty of that done on Freddy's face to make him look "scarier". That didn't really work, sorry guys! The scene where Freddy comes through the wall looks better in the 1984 film, which also used fucking special effects...but some how looks way better still with a 26 year gap. WHAT THE FUCK?! Oh, and it seems like every dream has to have some bull shit effect that looks horrible. We KNOW CGI can be done well, yet in most movies it just seems to look terrible. This movie is not an exception. Why not just use some practical effects? Is that too much to ask for?

How about the characters in this movie, or lack there of? They do the same bait and switch kind of thing as the original. They build up one girl at first (if you could really say that) and then she dies and is replaced by the real main character. Rooney Mara who would later go on to be pretty great in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo plays Nancy in this movie. But instead of being a person you can root for and who you want to survive...she's an annoying, emotionless, goth-ish chick. She's terrible. Absolutely terrible. Oh and her partner in crime in this movie? He's an annoying emo kid that you want to see die. Not much for great character development here. Speaking of, let's get to Freddy's story in this movie. He was a gardener at a pre school. First of all, WHAT?! Freddy is a gardener?! Uh...okay. The whole movie you are slowly shown more and more of his back story. The parents burn him alive when their kids tell them stories about what he does with them. He's a child molester...or is he? Yeah, he is.

That's one thing that I thought this movie really could have done differently and it would have actually been a nice little twist. When he finally reveals why he's coming after them, he could say they lied about him being a child molester and got him killed for no reason. Instead he's just like "YOU TOLD ON ME! SO NOW I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Oh, okay. Well we already knew all of this from seeing the original movie. (Though he was called a child killer due to stupid shit happening at the time.) They actually had a chance to throw in an interesting twist and make this their own...and they failed.

The movie ends in a way that looks just as bad as the original ending. This left open the option for a sequel, which thankfully after 3 years there hasn't been one yet, nor have I heard that they're going to do one. It really does suck being a fan of Horror films, knowing full well that all of the movies you love are going to end up being remade. I say that because 9 times out of 10 the remake is just fucking terrible. The fact that I love the original so much makes this movie the remake I hate the most of all. It's just so bad when being compared to the original. I could just go on and on and on and on and on and on about why I hate this movie. In fact, I already have done that. It would be nice if people would stop paying to see these movies. As long as Hollywood is making money on these, there's no need for them to be original. There's no need for them to come up with their own ideas, when they can just remake something else and make money off of the title alone.

I'm going to wrap this up by suggesting that you watch the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Dawn of the Dead (Though I did enjoy the remake) A Night of the Living Dead, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and so on. Then go ahead and watch the remakes and see what I mean. Stop fucking with classic horror films and try to come up with your own idea. I'm done. Seriously. I'm fucking done. This took too long and I rambled on for way too long. Fuck. Bye!

World War Z Review Podcast

After a tough week of technical difficulties, and losing our main computer, here is our review for World War Z! This episode was crazy to edit, we had interruptions up the wazoo. So, is it like the book? Is it any good? Can we still enjoy a zombie movie? Tune in and find out!

Episode 24 - World War Z

Movie of the Week: Sharknado

This is a perfect storm of awesome sauce. I wanted ridiculous, crazy, stupid, fun, and that is what I got. I laughed so hard at this movie. Schlocky CGI, mixed with bad stock footage, shaky cam during a stationary car scene, great terrible acting, and insane events. We are talking about a Waterspout Tornado picking up sharks, launching them at people, and eventually flying a helicopter to fight them. Plus Tara Reid doing something that seems like acting! There are parts where you see deep under water shots of sharks that are suppose to be in the flooded streets of California. Or shooting a flying shark in  the head to make him stop flying. The Hollywood sign even kills a guy. What's even better is that the main people in this are the only people effected by this, no one else seems to notice anything is even happening. This one is easy, you grab some drinks, gather your friends, and prepare for the worst. You will not regret it. Syfy channel has done it again with an amazing horrible b movie that is so bad, it's good.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story Review Sorta Thing?

So I had no idea it was my turn to write a review today, and I really had no idea what the fuck I was going to talk about. So I decided to just review the last movie I watched (Well, I put this on last night when I went to sleep...but that counts, right?) It just so happens to be a movie I absolutely love. Obviously, that movie is Walk Hard. YAAAAAAAAAAY!

First of all, I have to say that I love John C. Reilly. I know he's one of those actors that people sometimes shit on for being the same character in all of his movies. First of all, that's not true. Second of all, he's amazing at what he does, so back the fuck off you jerks! I'd also like to say that this movie was what basically made me fall in love with Jenna Fischer. She looks gorgeous in this movie, and I just want to cry a little inside that I'll never have a chance in the world with her.

With all that being said, I suppose I should talk about this movie. Basically, the wrong kid dies, leading to Dewey trying to be the greatest thing to ever happen in life...because his brother he just cut in half with a machete had those dreams. Makes sense, right? This leads to a Walk The Line parody/life story thing happening. It's so fucking funny. Seriously. It's hilarious. THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING HILARIOUS. Did I mention that Jenna Fischer is really hot in this movie? I did? Well I just said it again.

That guy that sang Even Flow also has a cameo at the end of this movie, so that's cool. I don't really know what else to say about this movie. I can't even try to bring up all of the funny moments in this movie. I mean, he really wants to try some caaacaine...that was pretty great. How about that other part in this movie that was really funny?! That's like my favorite part!

To wrap this shit up, if you're dumb and haven't seen this yet, go watch it. If you have seen this movie and thought it sucked, I hate you. Seriously. I don't know why I know you. You're a terrible person who has no reason to live. End it. END IT RIGHT NOW!

Movie of the Week: The Count of Monte Cristo

"A young man, falsely imprisoned by his jealous 'friends,' escapes and uses a hidden treasure to exact his revenge." IMDb

The Count of Monte Cristo has been one of my favorite movies since I saw it in theater when it first came out.  I have seen it countless times, and I'm sure I will watch it many times in the future.  It's one of those movies where if you tell me that you haven't seen it...we're watching it.  I don't care if I already watched it earlier that day, we're watching it, cause you gotta see this...and I will probably spend most of the movie annoyingly looking at your face to see if you're enjoying it as much as you should be.  Yeah I'm that guy...

So, not only is this movie brilliantly cast, well acted, and paced wonderfully, but this type of story should have a special place in the heart of anyone who's ever felt like they have gotten the shaft before. It's a story about revenge!  Who hasn't ever wanted to serve someone their comeuppance on a nice frosty plate?  A frosty plate of doom!  I suppose for me, specifically, I love this movie because I've always been the fat kid who got picked on and stuff, so I happen to find the idea of somebody who disappears for a long time, reinvents himself, comes back unrecognized by his foes, destroys their entire world, AND THEN EXPLAINS THE ENTIRE PLOT IN A DRAMATIC AND PRECISELY TIMED MONOLOGUE!!!...*deep breathes*...quite appealing.  

So yeah, I don't want to give anything else about this movie away.  Just go watch it.  And if you've seen it already, fuck it, watch it again....Also the guy who plays Superman in the new Man of Steel movie is it is as a kid.  That doesn't really add or detract either way, but I figure I can at least keep this shit current.

Lincoln Review

So let me start this off by saying I am in no way a history buff, or a huge fan of politics. But for some reason I really wanted to see this movie. I just didn't have the heart to sit down and watch 2 and half hours of movie when it came out. Every film these days is over 2 hours, even the sucky ones. That said, I enjoyed the fuck out of Lincoln. 

Now I rented this movie because I was bored and as I said earlier I wanted to see it. I wasn't sure what to expect, aside from the time frame and knowing that you don't see him get shot at the end. The movie begins with two black soldiers talking to the President as he is visiting a camp. Daniel Day Lewis fucking nails the shit out of this role. You are in attention when he is on screen. There are parts when he is telling stories about why he is doing what he's doing and I just fell in love. It was like my grandpa talking to me, I didn't want it to end. So nomination and award earned, two times over.

The political side to the story is interesting. It talks about how Lincoln's cabinet was made up of both Republicans and Democrats and how they had to fight for the votes for the 14th amendment. This plays out sorta like an episode of West Wing. Serious but with the right amount of humor to keep you interested. It is definitely not for everyone, but I was really engaged the whole time. It was also fun watching without knowing everyone who was acting in it. It's like when people popped up I'd be like "Oh, that guy! Awesome. He totally fits that role."

This movie is really powerful and reminds you that not that long ago we just started correcting our country's mistakes. You see the fear for people who support the amendment and can almost understand the anger behind the fight against it, even while you disagree with them. I also came to the realization that I don't know shit about Lincoln. No idea he had two kids. I'm dumb. But I loved seeing his interaction with his wife and his children. Showing the hard times, and fights they had while he was also fighting to save the country. As well as Lincoln signing for the deserters of the war to not be hanged. It really makes you long for a leader with the gall to stand for what he thinks is right, to make the changes he knows are need. Really was the perfect movie for me to watch before our Independence Day. 'Merica, right in the heart.

I gave this movie a 4 out of 5 because I really enjoyed it. But I don't think I'll ever own it. I may watch it again but not any time soon. Is it historically accurate? I don't know, but it is entertaining and a joy to watch. Everyone did a fantastic job in this film, playing their parts well. None better than Lewis. And that 2 and a half hours doesn't hurt in the least to sit through. Go watch it, you might learn something. Might even make you think about what people are fighting for today.